An idea that keeps cropping up when Chris or I talk to married people about being engaged is that this will be the best year of our relationship, or even the best year of our lives. I guess those we talk to have memories laced with images of romance, parties, presents and (oh joy of joys) shopping. I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope to gain these fond recollections on my path to wedded bliss, but I also feel pressure in this statement. What exactly does a 'best' year mean? If this year doesn't pass in a blur of happiness and confetti is our coupledom doomed to fail?
For a few months whenever Chris and I had a petty fight, or even when we just didn't have anything to say to each other there would be a little voice (I imagine it came from a Jimminy Cricket type figure in white merangue dress and a hint of psycho in it's eyes) reminding me that this is meant to be THE BEST time for us and that BEST couples don't fight about stupid things like who drank the Sprite I was saving for dinner. Or if Chris or I were in a bad mood and sulking,again a little mean voice would be asking me 'why are you ruining THE TIME OF YOUR LIVES????'.
Well, psycho bride cricket life does not follow a rosy petal strewn path and some days or even some months are going to be shit. Terrible things happen and you just have to gird your loins (I absolutely love that saying and all the visuals it conjures) and face what comes. Being in a couple means that we try to do this together and to help each other, but learning how to help each other also means being told (or being the teller) to piss off every now and then. This is something that will never ever ever change no matter how many doves or sparkly love hearts or pink tiered cakes you throw at it.
The past couple of months have been very difficult for Chris and I know we will remember this period of time with sadness. That doesn't mean that there hasn't been elements of 'best' for us as well. Sometimes sitting on our couch watching tv we can create an island of total happiness and escape almost everything terrible. When we can't run away and must submit to the badness I get to see Chris grow and strengthen, and this shows me what a best he is. I think people often forget that through every year (married or not) we discover bests in both of us that are only revealed in the midst of the worst. So while we are engaged, when things go wrong (things such a selfish people drinking precious dinner sprite), it doesn't mean failure. It means that this is life, and life is beautiful.
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