The speech

This speech has been possibly the most problematic part of the wedding.

It’s not that I couldn’t think of anything to say, the problem was (and as a van Reyk this is so surprising) I had too much to fit into a ‘reasonable’ speech time period.

I started out sure that I would base it around my other great love – food.

I was going to tell you about memorable food moments from our almost 7 year long romance (that’s Chris and my romance, my love affair with food has been a lifelong commitment), such as our time in Thailand. We were a couple of hours into a long boring bus ride, breakfast had been a while ago and I was starting to get hungry. When I get hungry it’s like a storm brewing. First I get quiet, then like distant thunder the irrational comments will start – like ‘why do you have to always wear that hat you know I hate that hat YOU ARE OPPRESSING ME WITH YOUR FRIGGING HORRIBLE MONSTROSITY OF A HAT’. Luckily as I am now aware of this tiny ‘issue’ I always make sure to keep snacks on me. I pulled out some biscuits and took a bite.

Devastating

The biscuit was two cheesy biscuits (yum) sandwiching a horrible lemon paste (Cheese and lemon?! What monster came up with this!). I explained to Chris with tears in my eyes, that I could not eat these biscuits.

Chris took the packet off me, broke them all in half, and ate the paste so I could have the yummy cheese biscuits. I looked at him, and realised that this man truly was a keeper

Why? Because he sees me at my worst and doesn’t run the other way screaming. In fact, usually he starts to laugh (which reminds me that occasionally I take things far too seriously), and then helps me work out how to banish my worries. Which generally involves feeding me.

But

Before I could even finish drafting up this magnificent monologue or reminiscing over all the special foods we’ve shared, we did the wedding paperwork and my speech plans changed.

Because

We did the paperwork at the registry office because we wanted today to be intimate and didn’t think we needed a celebrant just to sign the forms. The whole event was kept very minimal as we also didn’t want it to detract from what today means to us.

The following is a list of what this low key event entailed –

A 12 hour round trip to Berry and back due to unforseen car dying circumstances

A ceremony constantly interrupted by various family members (glare at daddy Paul)

A bar tender questioning if Chris, our good friend Alex, and I were planning to ‘share’ a hotel room that night

A fire alarm leading to the evacuation of said hotel

To say it was an eventful 24 hours would be an understatement.

And I thought - this is it! This is what the speech should be about. How despite whatever chaos is engulfing us Chris can always make me see the sunny side of things, how even if we drive for 3 hours, are stuck in a broken down car for another 3 hours, and then have to get a 4 and a half hour train ride home, he still makes the day fun.

But

Then, as I wrote the draft I realised that in fact all I didn’t need to write a speech at all.

All I needed to do was steal Chris’ material. Because it’s better.

The night of the wedding paperwork as we FINALY got to drink our champagne on the balcony of the hotel we were laughing at everything that happened and Chris said that together, we make the best stories.

And that’s why I want to spend my life with Chris, because I can’t think of anything more beautiful than knowing that our bank of stories will never run dry or go stale, and that each day we will create a new one (or ten) and that happy or sad or nice or mad, they will always be there for us in the same way that we always have been and will be there for each other.

I would like to propose a toast, to the man I love so very much, Christopher John Frape

                                                                **************************

OK enough mushy stuff.

Mary - So when Chris and I decided to get married we knew we wanted to keep it low key, however even a small wedding needs many hands to make it relatively light work. I hate to bore you all with further speeches but it’s really important to both of us that all the people that made this day possible be publically named and shamed.

Firstly I have to say a huge thank you to my mum and my Aunty Heather for being a combined Mother-of-the-bride force to be reckoned with. Mum was the quiet organiser behind this all (I was the noisy one) and so many people here today owe their stylish outfits to the tireless efforts of Aunty Heather. She also sewed the gorgeous quilt which hangs in the hall.

My two fathers are also responsible for key ingredients that make today so enjoyable, of course Daddy Paul for the haute cuisine, and my stepfather Robert for the wine, sparking and wedding cake.

Chris - My mum Jan needs to be thanked for her craft and sewing assistance, and her and Wayne for their providing my other great love – beer.

Mary -Also I would like to say thank you to Chris’ dad John who sadly passed away last year, but who had a hand in creating my wonderful groom and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I know he would be so very proud of Chris today.

My amazing bridesmaids need to be showered with praise and adoration for their tireless support,

Claire for overseeing the gorgeous hall decorating, registry duty and countless shopping expeditions,

Maddy for making me feel like she was by my side the whole time despite being so far away, and for being ready and willing no matter the task – even finding a dress in an hour and a half!

Rachel for being my unofficial psychiatrist and consistently reminding me that crying for joy, happiness or sadness is all OK.

and finally Alex for being so patient during endless shopping trips, Bringing the bad assness when needed, and for discussing minute details repeatedly with me for hours.

Mary - A giant thank you to my groomsmen, to Shannon for traveling to Cambodia to purchase the finest silk ties, Ash and Ant for providing me with an awesome bucks night (and ensuring I came back in one piece) and Adrian for always being a great friend albeit always living in either Kiama or QLD – always providing me with and escape from the city.

You guys rock

Mary -Thank you to Helen for organising the yummy tea candles

Thank you to our beautiful flower girls for all of their help in handing out the bonbonniere

Thank you to Margo for hosting the ceremony almost without tears

Chris -A huge thank you to Robbo and Blondie for excelling the roles of DJ and photographer (better known as the atmosphere and memories)

Mary - Sian Becky and Nicole, thank you for making up for my lack of skills in makeup, Hair and stain removal. I would be a bedraggled bride without the three of you.

Thank you to our recreation officers Dan, Shaun and Olly for providing sports today, and everyone should be warned that their red and yellow cards hold sway off the court as well.

Thank you to the army of helpers that I roped in to assist Daddy Paul in the food preparation, and thank you also for putting up with his chef dramatics.

Nanda Thank you for Fran’s beautiful flowers

Cara and Laura thank you for being my high heel support team and helping me through my last minute wrapping madness, without you both and your wine I would have cracked for sure

Finally we would like to say thank you to everyone for coming and making today so special, it really means so much to us both having you all here and we would like everyone to raise their glasses in a toast to yourselves.

Toast

The ceremony

Mary & Chris’s Wedding

Margo:

Greetings friends and family, and welcome to this day of celebration.  We are united to witness the marriage of Mary Elizabeth Helen van Reyk and Christopher John Frape.  They ask your blessing on this joyful occasion.

Mary and Chris's understanding of the true meaning of marriage has resulted from many influences; their families, their friends, and their own beliefs.  We are here not only strengthen the binds of Chris and Mary's love for each other, but also to bring family and friends together to celebrate these same said bonds that hold us all together.

What defines Mary and Chris’s love today will change, and grow to new depth in the future.  This ceremony is the celebration of a single stage in a much larger process that is the love between 2 people.  The promises made today, and the ties that are bound here, greatly strengthen your union.

Today we are celebrating with a binding ceremony: each cord placed on their joined hands represents a promise that Mary and Chris are making to each other.  At the end of the ceremony I will tie the cords together and bind the couple.

We shall now begin:

Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.  Join your hands.

[The first cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The second cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you share the burdens of each so that you both may grow in this union?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The third cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you dream together and support each other’s separate dreams?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The fourth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?

M & C: We will.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The fifth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you honour each other, and these promises you have made today?

M & C: We will.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The sixth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords but instead by your vows.  Either of you may drop
the cords, for always you will hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.

[once the cords are tied together, they are removed.]

May all of Mary and Chris’ loved ones here today continue to witness and be part of this union because it is this love and support that has guided them here today.

May Mary and Chris know great love together, and may they live in the desire to always support each other in positive and uplifting ways.  May they strengthen one another in sorrow, share with one another in gladness, and be companions to each other in times of silence.  May their home be a haven, and wherever they are plagued by changing fortune, may they be united not in word and outward form alone, but by the presence in the hearts of each, of the deepening love they share.

You are husband and wife.

Celebrate with a kiss.

This isn't Kansas any more

I haven’t written about the wedding for quite a while, it’s definitely the elephant in the room. Actually it’s the opposite of an elephant because it’s the thing everyone wants to talk about. The. Only. Thing. I can see people latch onto it as a conversation topic as soon as they see me. I don’t get water cooler gossip at work anymore - just questions about table decorations. The fact I don’t have any planned is starting to create awkward silences. Oh and my boss, ooooooh my boss she’s giving me an ulcer. Every day I sit down and she asks me about the dress. I would rather if she asked me about the reports I clearly haven’t done, or why my breath sounds like gin, but no it’s always the bloody dress. Admittedly the dress is what my mind turns to as I lie awake at 3am, there is a slight hitch (a disintegrated bits at the front and now it’s with what seems to be the laziest seamstress in the world hitch) but I honestly DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. And I don’t need her asking me at 8 in the morning with a vocal tone that lets me know I’ve missed her deadline for getting this sorted ‘Have you threatened the seamstress with bodily harm?’

The wedding is everywhere I turn, there is no escape anymore. My work desktop has work related documents and programs on the left hand of the screen, but now the right side is slowly filling and moving past the centre with wedding spread sheets and documents titled bizarre things like 'Where the heck am I going?' The other day I gave Chris a printed list of things he needs to do before the wedding, at the top I put a picture of a robust bride with a cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth and a machine gun in her arms. ‘Look sweetie’ I said as I handed it to him ‘That’s what I’ll look like come March’.

Poor Chris! I’m marrying Chris so clearly I must feel some affection for him, but that’s all gone for now. I used to sit on the couch and stare at him while day dreaming about how much I loved him and it was so beautiful. Now when I stare at him I think ‘oh how I love him, but how the fuck do I say that in a 5 minute speech which includes thanking all the people who have made this wedding possible and has enough humour to keep people hooked but enough emotion to make them cry? Where is he up to on that fucking list I gave him? Why is he just sitting there and not hand cutting tiny love heart confetti to shower me with as he interpretive dances his marriage poem?’(OK so this isn’t actually happening, but it would be quite cool).

I looked at my calendar the other day and was hard pressed to find a couple of non-wedding task filled days. This is meant to be a low key wedding yet it’s consuming me, I’m teetering on the edge of losing myself to the bridezilla within. The other day as I was sucking my bleeding fingers (filled with pin holes as I slave over bunting people won’t even notice. That’s it - I’m making a new rule. Anyone that complements the bunting gets to take a bottle of wine home for justifying my insane obsession with material triangles) I realised what has happened. As a girl my favourite movie was The Wizard of Oz, and now I’m Dorothy. I went to sleep safe and sound in my own little bed, but now I’ve woken up in the midst of a marital tornado. From what I can gather from the movie when I land I will need a brain (for creating complex wedding documents), courage (for facing lazy seamstresses), a heart (not sure what that is for currently), a sense of home (I get it! That’s where the heart is!) and a bunch of little people who will cheer me up with their songs. There will be a long road to matrimony, appearing to be paved in gold but really it’s just glitter shed from all the previous brides (and their gowns) that have trod this path.

And at the end of this story? At the end I will go home. I will return to my beautiful couch, and stare at Chris lovingly thinking about how he is my tin man, lion and scarecrow, my Todo and aunty Em, my flying monkey (OK maybe not that) but most of all I will think about how I am now so happy. Because we will have had a beautiful wedding, we will have shared that day with all the people we love, and regardless of what I’m wearing it will be perfect. Oh and something about there being no place like home.