I haven’t written about the wedding for quite a while, it’s definitely the elephant in the room. Actually it’s the opposite of an elephant because it’s the thing everyone wants to talk about. The. Only. Thing. I can see people latch onto it as a conversation topic as soon as they see me. I don’t get water cooler gossip at work anymore - just questions about table decorations. The fact I don’t have any planned is starting to create awkward silences. Oh and my boss, ooooooh my boss she’s giving me an ulcer. Every day I sit down and she asks me about the dress. I would rather if she asked me about the reports I clearly haven’t done, or why my breath sounds like gin, but no it’s always the bloody dress. Admittedly the dress is what my mind turns to as I lie awake at 3am, there is a slight hitch (a disintegrated bits at the front and now it’s with what seems to be the laziest seamstress in the world hitch) but I honestly DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. And I don’t need her asking me at 8 in the morning with a vocal tone that lets me know I’ve missed her deadline for getting this sorted ‘Have you threatened the seamstress with bodily harm?’
The wedding is everywhere I turn, there is no escape anymore. My work desktop has work related documents and programs on the left hand of the screen, but now the right side is slowly filling and moving past the centre with wedding spread sheets and documents titled bizarre things like 'Where the heck am I going?' The other day I gave Chris a printed list of things he needs to do before the wedding, at the top I put a picture of a robust bride with a cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth and a machine gun in her arms. ‘Look sweetie’ I said as I handed it to him ‘That’s what I’ll look like come March’.
Poor Chris! I’m marrying Chris so clearly I must feel some affection for him, but that’s all gone for now. I used to sit on the couch and stare at him while day dreaming about how much I loved him and it was so beautiful. Now when I stare at him I think ‘oh how I love him, but how the fuck do I say that in a 5 minute speech which includes thanking all the people who have made this wedding possible and has enough humour to keep people hooked but enough emotion to make them cry? Where is he up to on that fucking list I gave him? Why is he just sitting there and not hand cutting tiny love heart confetti to shower me with as he interpretive dances his marriage poem?’(OK so this isn’t actually happening, but it would be quite cool).
I looked at my calendar the other day and was hard pressed to find a couple of non-wedding task filled days. This is meant to be a low key wedding yet it’s consuming me, I’m teetering on the edge of losing myself to the bridezilla within. The other day as I was sucking my bleeding fingers (filled with pin holes as I slave over bunting people won’t even notice. That’s it - I’m making a new rule. Anyone that complements the bunting gets to take a bottle of wine home for justifying my insane obsession with material triangles) I realised what has happened. As a girl my favourite movie was The Wizard of Oz, and now I’m Dorothy. I went to sleep safe and sound in my own little bed, but now I’ve woken up in the midst of a marital tornado. From what I can gather from the movie when I land I will need a brain (for creating complex wedding documents), courage (for facing lazy seamstresses), a heart (not sure what that is for currently), a sense of home (I get it! That’s where the heart is!) and a bunch of little people who will cheer me up with their songs. There will be a long road to matrimony, appearing to be paved in gold but really it’s just glitter shed from all the previous brides (and their gowns) that have trod this path.
And at the end of this story? At the end I will go home. I will return to my beautiful couch, and stare at Chris lovingly thinking about how he is my tin man, lion and scarecrow, my Todo and aunty Em, my flying monkey (OK maybe not that) but most of all I will think about how I am now so happy. Because we will have had a beautiful wedding, we will have shared that day with all the people we love, and regardless of what I’m wearing it will be perfect. Oh and something about there being no place like home.
