So as previously mentioned in my first blog post my parents are married, but it's not your conventional state of wedlock. Dad claims that mum 'ambushed him' (his words exactly) into engagement by proposing to him on Valentines day - When there is a little known ye olde tradition that ladies may ask a gentlemen to marry them and if they are refused compensation must be paid in some form of glove (my guess is that washing up ones would be responded to with a swift kick to the offender's privates). Dad claims he was too cheap to buy gloves but instead committed to a life long relationship (let's not do the figures on that one or he may feel he made a mistake).
My dad is and was at the time openly gay, my mum, a blushing bride, wore a knitted Lunar Park jumper with white leggings and a mullet. Mum was nearly upstaged by a bride who hurtled up the 'aisle' (a church was definitely not involved) demanding to be married to my father instead. Apparently she was impersonating Mrs Havisham from Great Expectations, and when recently discussing this with mum she mistakenly said it was a 'Fabisham' impersonation. As it was a drag queen in a spectacular frock, I feel that her first description was accurate. They were married by the Reverend Mother Inferior from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (an order of gay male nuns) and the wedding guests were dressed in all manner of wild and wonderful outfits.
Obviously the ceremony was a tongue in cheek subversion of a traditional church ceremony, dad has said as one who enjoys 'epater les bourgeoisie' (ye olde French 19th Century poet's term for shocking the middle classes - my parents are so old fashioned) he felt the ceremony was a way to challenge people's views on gay men and how families are structured. Prior to the big event they did get officially joined at the registry office (a recent family tradition on my mum's side with her sister doing the same). This colourful beginning has meant that throughout my life once people have heard this story they sometimes assume that marriage is not something I would believe in. As demonstrated by my newly announced engagement, this is not the case.
When compared to many of my friends parents mum and dad are one of the few who are sans divorce. A few years ago they even celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, dad came up to my mum's house and her partner (father of my brother and in our family since I was 3 ) cooked a beautiful lunch for us all. They exchanged gifts (coincidentally buying each other the same gift without knowing - silver bracelets ) and then went on a belated honeymoon to Hong Kong together. I'm also not ruling out the idea that my dad would never get a divorce because he enjoys the shock value too much, I remember going to cafe with him when I was younger and a man coming up to up to say hello to dad.
'And who's this?' the man asked smiling at me
'Oh this is my daughter, me and the wife's kid' dad casually dropped, the dropping only equalled by the man's jaw.
The fact is that I feel that they got married for all the right reasons. They had already been part of each others lives for many years, and supported each other through highs and lows. They knew they had the same goal for the future (me!!) and that they wanted to commit to continued support for each other through the new relationship created by having a child. These values are ones that I hope Chris and I will instill in our marriage. Commitment, support, allowing your partner the freedom to be who they are, and eventually creating a beautiful family together. Mine and Chris' family probably won't contain quite so many partners ,mothers, and kids (I have a number of other beautiful brothers and sisters through dad) as my 'nuclear unit' currently contains , but if it does turn out that way then I will consider myself blessed that my marriage is everything I want it to be - truly happy.
Beautiful, Mary!
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