The ceremony

Mary & Chris’s Wedding

Margo:

Greetings friends and family, and welcome to this day of celebration.  We are united to witness the marriage of Mary Elizabeth Helen van Reyk and Christopher John Frape.  They ask your blessing on this joyful occasion.

Mary and Chris's understanding of the true meaning of marriage has resulted from many influences; their families, their friends, and their own beliefs.  We are here not only strengthen the binds of Chris and Mary's love for each other, but also to bring family and friends together to celebrate these same said bonds that hold us all together.

What defines Mary and Chris’s love today will change, and grow to new depth in the future.  This ceremony is the celebration of a single stage in a much larger process that is the love between 2 people.  The promises made today, and the ties that are bound here, greatly strengthen your union.

Today we are celebrating with a binding ceremony: each cord placed on their joined hands represents a promise that Mary and Chris are making to each other.  At the end of the ceremony I will tie the cords together and bind the couple.

We shall now begin:

Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.  Join your hands.

[The first cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The second cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you share the burdens of each so that you both may grow in this union?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The third cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you dream together and support each other’s separate dreams?

M & C: Yes.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The fourth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?

M & C: We will.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The fifth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

Will you honour each other, and these promises you have made today?

M & C: We will.

Margo: And so the binding is made.

[The sixth cord is draped across Mary and Chris’s hands.]

The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords but instead by your vows.  Either of you may drop
the cords, for always you will hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.

[once the cords are tied together, they are removed.]

May all of Mary and Chris’ loved ones here today continue to witness and be part of this union because it is this love and support that has guided them here today.

May Mary and Chris know great love together, and may they live in the desire to always support each other in positive and uplifting ways.  May they strengthen one another in sorrow, share with one another in gladness, and be companions to each other in times of silence.  May their home be a haven, and wherever they are plagued by changing fortune, may they be united not in word and outward form alone, but by the presence in the hearts of each, of the deepening love they share.

You are husband and wife.

Celebrate with a kiss.

The time of you life

An idea that keeps cropping up when Chris or I talk to married people about being engaged is that this will be the best year of our relationship, or even the best year of our lives. I guess those we talk to have memories laced with images of romance, parties, presents and (oh joy of joys) shopping. I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope to gain these fond recollections on my path to wedded bliss, but I also feel pressure in this statement. What exactly does a 'best' year mean? If this year doesn't pass in a blur of happiness and confetti is our coupledom doomed to fail?

For a few months whenever Chris and I had a petty fight, or even when we just didn't have anything to say to each other there would be a little voice (I imagine it came from a Jimminy Cricket type figure in white merangue dress and a hint of psycho in it's eyes) reminding me that this is meant to be THE BEST time for us and that BEST couples don't fight about stupid things like who drank the Sprite I was saving for dinner. Or if Chris or I were in a bad mood and sulking,again a little mean voice would be asking me 'why are you ruining THE TIME OF YOUR LIVES????'.

Well, psycho bride cricket life does not follow a rosy petal strewn path and some days or even some months are going to be shit. Terrible things happen and you just have to gird your loins (I absolutely love that saying and all the visuals it conjures) and face what comes. Being in a couple means that we try to do this together and to help each other, but learning how to help each other also means being told (or being the teller) to piss off every now and then. This is something that will never ever ever change no matter how many doves or sparkly love hearts or pink tiered cakes you throw at it.

The past couple of months have been very difficult for Chris and I know we will remember this period of time with sadness. That doesn't mean that there hasn't been elements of 'best' for us as well. Sometimes sitting on our couch watching tv we can create an island of total happiness and escape almost everything terrible. When we can't run away and must submit to the badness I get to see Chris grow and strengthen, and this shows me what a best he is. I think people often forget that through every year (married or not) we discover bests in both of us that are only revealed in the midst of the worst. So while we are engaged, when things go wrong (things such a selfish people drinking precious dinner sprite), it doesn't mean failure. It means that this is life, and life is beautiful.